Grief

"Like continually picking the top off a sore." That is how my sister described her grief following the death of our parents last year. I a always amazed at how it attacks you when you least expect it.

Last Sunday I was washing up after breakfast when suddenly I thought; "I want my Mum" and started to cry. My husband, Lewis, asked; "Where did that come from?"

There doesn't seem to be any pattern to this. It is not necessarily related to events, dates or any other special occasion. It just happens.

Logic tells me they had great lives and I was very lucky to have them for as long as I did but there is a little part of me that had never considered what the losing would really feel like.

Mum was 82 and Dad 86 when they died within four months of each other (I guess after 63 years there would seem little point of going on alone). Even though my contact with Mum in particular had been limited in the last 12 months of her life due to her inability to communicate by telephone, I still have days when I wish I could just ring her and have a chat.

I rarely have the "I want my Dad" feeling in the same way and I guess this is because it was Mum I would talk to most when I rang them. I miss Dad in a different way. I just want to see him and say hello. After Mum died I got to talk to Dad a lot and I am so grateful for that opportunity. I was also lucky in that the last time I saw them both I kew it was the last time and that made the losing a little easier. I had no regrets and had said all I wanted to.

I just didn't didn't think being an orphan at ths age would be quite so hard.